it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
