this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
