I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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