i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
