They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
