Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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