Are we in a gay sports bar?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
