Your dad touched me again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
