her vagine was all disorganized.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize