I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
