she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
