sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
