Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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