There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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