we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
