I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
