Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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