Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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