Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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