C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
