I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
