ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
