God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
