I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
