I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
