I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
