I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
