shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
