I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So many bounce houses so little time
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
