I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
