Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
