Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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