So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I could fuck to npr.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
