Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
