peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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