Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
