then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
