Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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