I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He better not be in your backpack
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
