Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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