saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
