Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
