Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
