I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
