that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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