I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
