I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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