i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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