we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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