he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
