It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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