Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
