If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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