My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
