And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
