ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My bed smells like the plague
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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