so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
