what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
