Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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