If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Randomize
