If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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