I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
