Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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