White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
