Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
