tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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