It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
