woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
