i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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