dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
