I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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