i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
