so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
