i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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