i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
