It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
