Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
