I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
