guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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