we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
