I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Too much gin, very little bucket
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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