I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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