Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
