walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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