i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
