dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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