I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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